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You know this thing. It's the picture of frustration and impatience. You're 82% of the way to getting what you want. You can see where you want to be, but you can't have it.

I feel like this is my life right now. In short:

We're always almost there. Almost.

 

It's hard always having that carrot in front of you, never getting a taste.

Thailand has cheap maids and childcare. The house could be clean. Date night could cost less than $150, which means they could happen more often than once every 3 months. The word "vacation" could actually be in our vocabulary and refer to travel instead of time off school to catch up on life, cleaning and fixing the  house and running errands. Right now that's all just a fantasy, and we're working ourselves to exhaustion, always trying to tie up the thousands of loose ends hanging around that can't be done in the ten hours a day we're not at home. It's always something that needs to be fixed. Something is due. Prepping meals. Appointments. And we don't even have our kids in any extracurriculars. None!

I know, I know, the American response is that we're teachers, we get out of school at 2 pm*, summers off, stop whining and complaining, call the waaahmbulance. You could snarkily say "you could live in a smaller house" (as if there are any decent small houses available-- where we live, anything small was built 60+ years ago and supremely crappy, never updated or fixed, still priced at top dollar; that said, our house already is smaller than average and we live in one of the cheapest cities in the state) or "you chose this life" or whatever. Snark away.

*But we leave the house at 6:15, and get home at 4. We have to go to bed before 9. We have the same hours as normal people, just shifted back a few hours.

But the fact is, we are exhausted. We're squeezing ourselves out and getting very little in return, very little to refill our pitchers. Is this it, all give and no return? How much more do we need to stretch ourselves to get a little more balance? I've noticed on "House Hunters International" that on almost every episode, at the end the people will say "we're enjoying the more relaxed pace of life here." Of course they are. They live in a country where they wouldn't need to crowdfund if they got cancer.

I'm ready. I'm burned out. The big challenge is that it's going to get harder before it gets easier. Burnout is not a good thing to feel in the second month of the school year.