The New Chapter

Our last night in the Rai

First of all, I am so glad I didn't post during our last week in Chiang Rai. I was in a very dark place. I'd ride our motorbike all over town and just sob. Our last Sunday there, I took the bike out to run a few errands. 

I cried through our neighborhood. 

 

I always loved the colors on this house

I actually won't miss you, horrible road

I cried at the market. 

I bought some fresh coconut milk, asked to take a picture of the couple who sold it to me, and cried when he made a goofy face. 

A second after I clicked, he lifted up her ponytail and made a face. I missed that shot. Which made me cry.

I held it together while filling up the bike. 

 

On the way home, I drove down my favorite street in town (my favorite because it has these immense old trees shading it, and the road respectfully curves around them). I cried passing a restaurant that our friend is opening there in a few months. I stopped by a temple I’d always meant to visit. I wept a little walking around the grounds, but when I was alone inside the actual temple, I sat on the floor and let it all go until I used up my whole packet of tissues. 

I was sad and bitter, and my thoughts were ugly; it was a good thing I didn't have the opportunity to blog. However, I kept reminding myself that I wouldn't have stayed there if I had the choice. Nick said he wouldn't have stayed for twice our salaries. I agreed.

This is certainly a sight I will never see again.

Nick counting out his final paycheck. Yeah, we were paid in cash.

Packing up & leaving the house for the last time

 

Packing up at school

Now, we've been home for a week, and I'm feeling pretty good. For the first few days I walked around in public with a giant grin on my face, smiling stupidly at everyone and everything like I was tripping on some kind of club drug. (Quickly, before I talk about being home, I have to mention the flight. We had a 16-hour flight from Hong Kong to Boston full of rough turbulence. At one point, in the dark over the Pacific Ocean, it was bad enough that people screamed. Sophie cried. It was miserable. I get a sickening twinge in my intestines just remembering it.)

Being back has been very cool so far. My parents' house is soooo very comfortable, and the acoustics are noticeably lovely. My clothes stay clean after one wearing because I'm not drenching them in sour sweat every day. I went running and felt like a delicate little flower with a healthy glow, instead of peeling off clothes that felt like I'd been pushed into a pool and smelled like livestock. When I left here two years ago, I was at the peak of burnout, so I remember it being a lot more paved-over and strip-malled than it is. Massachusetts is greener and more beautiful than I remember it, and it feels good to have a renewed appreciation. We went to school for the last day, and aside from some painfully awkward moments, it felt like being home. We went to the library (!!!) and it was nirvana. I felt my eyes tingle just the slightest bit at the sight of all those books in English.

The culture-shock moments have been fun. I relearned how to drive on the right side of the road without too much trouble. Even after a week, I still have to remind myself that I can drop my toilet paper right there where I'm sitting, which is amusing, mostly because that's been the last habit to go. The food and the drinks have been divine. I have got to rein it in already. I'm realizing that staying at a healthy weight in this country will be like swimming upstream, which I guess isn't a bad thing because that burns a lot of calories, ba-dum-dump. The grocery store is a fun place to go. The choices are staggering (I was almost in tears of joy at the prices of wine), and seeing shelves full of things we had to go all the way to Chiang Mai or Bangkok to get makes me feel like this scene in "Cast Away":

I feel like this several times a day, frankly.

So there you have it. That's a short version of the past two weeks. There is more, but it's been such a whirlwind that that's all I can remember. It is obviously still the honeymoon period, but every once in a while I'll get a tiny glimpse of the dark things I left behind. I am nervous that they will grow bigger until they strangle my optimism. That will be my number one challenge. House hunting has been one of those things. We've looked at four houses with near-painful prices, and three of them looked like they were ready to collapse. We nicknamed one the Murder House. Another was the Haunted House, and the third was just Oh For God's Sake. The fourth one was absolutely stunning, meticulous and magazine-beautiful, but so small that we could never invite anyone over (trust me, this was not the annoying "House Hunters" thing where people are only concerned about entertaining; this house wouldn't be able to fit my parents over for pizza).

So ends the adventure. A friend asked me to rate the experience on a scale of 1-10, and I can say with all honesty that it was an absolute, hands-down 10 out of 10. 

Worldly possessions, 2015

Worldly possessions, 2017

Leaving the US, 2015

Leaving Thailand, 2017