It's Not You, It's Me

I suppose it's just the natural progression of things that Thailand has been testing my patience. This is a good thing. I've been worried about the depth of sadness I'm going to feel when we leave, and this helps. We've had a plague of lacewing-like flies in our house, and when I say plague, I mean hundreds. They, like many of the flying bugs here, are not shy and will land right on your face. We rigged up an electric bug-zapper racket next to a night light in the living room, turned off all other lights and closed ourselves in a bedroom. There was so much snap-crackle-pop that it sounded like a deep fryer, and our living room filled with a burning smell. There was an actual pile of these bugs under that light.

The rainy season has officially begun again, which means our "road" has a 6" layer of thick, slippery mud, with potholes that crack up the underside of our car no matter how slowly we drive. It's enough to make us rearrange plans just to avoid driving on it. I can't go running because of it. I'm tired of not-quite-clean laundry, or having to boil multiple pots of water if I do want it clean. The wifi goes out constantly in the rain. I'm dreaming of blueberries-- specifically, the huge clamshell boxes from Costco (Mom, get two, because the four of us will destroy one in one sitting). I'm tired of the ants everywhere, including the one on my computer screen as I type this. I'm over the tile floors that hurt to stand on for too long, that are slippery when wet, and break everything that falls on them. I'm tired of perfectly still humidity and wearing a sweaty ponytail every single day. It's the time of year where school is working everyone's last nerves, so I'm tired of that too. Without getting into too much detail, we have a person in our community who reminds me of this guy:

Jake Busey in "Contact"

I have to be honest, there aren't a whole lot of nutjobs like this in New England, so we're not used to it. He is weird and difficult.

But this morning I think I hit a new level of Over It. We were finishing breakfast and Sophie got up to put her plate away. She calmly said, "Mom, there's a bug on my chair-- what kind of bug is that?" as if it was another ant or something. It looked like a beetle to me, but when I looked closer it was a scorpion. It was kind of tucked into itself, so I couldn't tell at first. But this was the biggest one I've seen in our house (fully extended it was almost 3" long-- I just pulled out a ruler to double check my memory) with thick legs and it was sitting RIGHT NEXT TO MY BABY. Nick chased it around and killed it, but I was so freaked out I actually felt a little nauseous and tingly. That made me feel like getting a hotel room on the top floor of the highest building in town and staying there until we leave. Now the next 30 days will be spent in paranoia, gingerly checking every shoe and bedsheet, picking up laundry with tongs. I'm sick all over again just writing about it. I don't know why I've been fine with scorpions and literally everything else until this morning, but that was the tipping point for me. Big scorpion four inches from my child's butt? Nope, BYE. (Once again Sophie cheats catastrophe.) We have thirty more days to dodge nature. I'll take another scorpion sting for the team, just... not the kids. Please. Not the kids.

Of course I am still sad about some things. A few days ago I took my bike to get serviced so I could sell it.

Remember how much I loved this bike? I am a little embarrassed to admit that I fought tears watching them change the handle grips, thinking of -- wait, I just had to stop typing to wipe away an ant crawling on my arm and lost my train of thought. But yeah, I got emotional.

Last weekend we went down to the big Saturday night market on to buy gifts. That was really nice too.

The best khao soi in town

Anyway. Like the title says, Thailand is fine, it's still beautiful and I still love it; I'm just cranky right now. I just want to go running in dry weather, eat blueberries and drink a super-hoppy IPA. Maybe go to the movies, read a magazine, take the kids to a giant playground and let them run wild. This weekend I will take my last solo trip to Bangkok, then next weekend will be my last solo trip to Chiang Mai. I am so looking forward to them (so many spa visits!), but at the same time, I kinda just want to keep an eye on my kids' surroundings. Ugh.