Welp, I am still adjusting. I’m still down in the trough of
last post’s graph, and I imagine I will be there for a little bit. As much as I
want to launch into a verbal stream-of-consciousness tantrum (thesis: I am not
on top of anything in my life right now, I am on bottom, and yes Stevie G, that
*exactly* means that I am a bottom), it’s fundamentally wrong for me to
complain about anything while getting a long-overdue pedicure. I will keep this
one light and talk about food.
First of all, our friend John introduced us to a new Thai
place that is perfect. It’s perfect. I am so happy I know about it now. It
looks like 300 other restaurants here, a nameless little open-air hole in the
wall, but in our experience so far, going into those places requires a level of
effort for which I usually don’t have the energy. Nothing is in English. Nobody
speaks English. We end up literally pointing to other people’s food at other
tables and nodding, and ending up over-ordering or under-ordering and trying to
figure out a way to be polite if we get a plate of fried cartilage (these
places usually only make 4-5 different dishes). I’ve politely swallowed my fair
share of cartilage in the last two months. In my mentally defeated state
lately, I just don’t have it in me to venture into these places and play
charades, feeling like an entitled American not speaking the local language. Now
we know of a cheap, delicious place that smells wonderful and I have the names
of the good dishes stored in my phone. I’ve already been back for more. One
tiny victory!
I’ve been making a list of foods that aren’t here, just
because I think it’s interesting. I’m not writing this as a complaint, just as
an observation. I haven’t lived here long enough to really miss anything. I
will admit that I haven’t found them yet, but I’ve been to all of our major
shopping options many times.
1. Spinach. In two months, I've found it in only one time in one
place, Makro (our version of Costco), frozen in a huge bag! Very exciting. I
didn’t buy it yet, because the two main cuisines I used it in the most were
Mexican and Italian. I can find what I need for lasagna, except ricotta, which
I can make myself… when I get a cooking thermometer, which was in the
mailed-back Amazon package. Everything is a ten-step process. And we can get
flour tortillas, but not corn. Or masa. Or even cornmeal. When the stars align
and I can gather up what I need for some lasagna or enchiladas, then that giant
bag of frozen spinach will be mine.
2. Mushrooms. There’s a wide variety
of Asian mushrooms here, all of which are delicious. I’m particularly fond of
these comically phallic looking ones which have a scallop-y texture when sliced
and cooked. They’re incredible.
 |
| Amirite? |
But the Asian mushrooms all have distinct
flavors which don’t mesh well with some of the western food I make at home. I
have found regular button mushrooms at Makro, but only sometimes.
3. Grapefruit. Nonexistent.
4. Turkey. Nonexistent in any form. I’ve
heard that the fancy grocery store will get some big frozen ones in around
Thanksgiving. I’m fine with not having turkey on Thanksgiving. It probably
wouldn’t fit into our easy-bake oven anyway.
5. Tortilla chips (plain). I see
avocados at the markets here and I’m like… but… but… I know we can put avocado
on other things, but again, I have to hunt down all the ingredients for those
things first. It would take collecting and planning. As with everything else, I
will get there. And hey, just like the lack of good sweets here, the absence of
tortilla chips can only be a good thing for my waistline.
6. Ranch dressing. I am not generally
a Ranch person; a bottle of it would last about a year in our fridge back home.
Again, just an observation. No Ranch. But on the subject of salad dressing, I
am a die-hard Good Seasons Italian addict, and will be mail-ordering some of
that since that also isn’t sold here.
7. Monterey Jack cheese. Why would it
be here? It is the most American of cheeses, with a California city in its
name. Also, goat cheese. I could make goat cheese, had my cheese making kit not
been sent back to Amazon. (I put in another order and forgot to add back the
thermometer and cheese supplies… I was too focused on the goddamn deodorant.)
When I stop failing at Thailand I will do that too, because I’ve seen goat milk
for sale in several places. Oh, goat cheese.
8. Lemons. I’ve seen them, but they’re
a delicacy. Rare, expensive.
9. Artichoke hearts. Absolutely
nowhere to be found, in any form (wait! I might have seen them on a pizza! Will
have to ask the Aussie restaurant owner for his source). I used to buy Trader
Joe’s frozen ones in a bag and roast them for recipes. Man, what a flavor.
10. Whole wheat flour. I have found
exactly one place that has it, and they don’t have it often. 90% of the time,
that shelf is empty—I’ve found it once. It’s not super-finely ground, so it
looks like a cross between wheat flour and wheat germ. I make banana bread with
it and it comes out pretty dense, like I used cornmeal. I like that texture
though.
11. Cheerios. Of course. The American
standard. Nowhere to be found. I love Cheerios but I’m okay with not having
them for a few years. I’ll live. There are other cereals.
That’s my list for now. I guess if I had to pick something I
miss, it’s grilled food. We grilled a lot back home, and not having a grill here
limits our usual cooking choices. There are grills in Thailand, of course, our
house just doesn’t have one.
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| Oooooh, barracuda. See the eye of some unfortunate prey peeking out of one's mouth? |
On the subject of food and eating, I’ve been dealing with
constant low-level nausea for about a week now. I think it might be egg-related,
which is a bummer because eggs are one of my favorite foods and the yolks here
are a gorgeous dark orange. Fun fact: your body doesn't know the difference between tropical sweat and puke sweat. I'm always sweating, so... It doesn’t
help that I have seen more maggots in the past two weeks than I have seen in my
entire life, usually coming out of some fruit or vegetable on my plate (one at
a time—it’s not like I unleash a colony with my fork. I think that makes a
difference). Maggots LOVE tomatoes, my god. And I’ve said it before, I’m gross,
I’ll eat food right off the floor. But finding a tiny white worm in my salad
makes me silently cross the line from belching Frat Guy to squeamish Sorority
Sister.
The other thing that hasn’t helped the nausea is the
slightly corpse-y smell that pervades any place that sells meat, from the
street vendor to the fanciest market. Yes, I hear you, my vegan friends, I
know. It doesn’t smell rotten, exactly, it just smells like… death. I feel like
my visceral reaction to it is a primal instinct, like don’t eat that. My normally strong stomach is becoming a skilled
gymnast. I can't even drink coffee right now, but tea is okay. One would think I would be shedding
weight with all that nausea, but no! My stomach has no problem with leftover
birthday cake or green tea Kit Kats, natch. Especially when they're shoveled into my mouth over the kitchen sink. What?
There is no Indian food in Chiang Rai, and I miss it dearly.
Every once in a while, at school, there will be something on the lunch line
that tastes vaguely Indian, and I inhale it. I am fortunate that I can make
just about anything, but finding the spices has been a challenge. Just today,
Nick managed to find the last few things I need to make garam masala! And
yesterday I saw some gorgeous ginger, young and fresh and juicy, and
cauliflower at one of the vegetable markets. I don’t have a microplane grater
anymore, but I do have my trusty knives. Something Indian is on the horizon.
We’re actually planning to spend next weekend in Chiang Mai,
the “big city” three hours down the road. We’re literally going to shop and
eat. There is Mexican food there. Maybe we can find some samosas. Considering the way our other ventures have
gone so far (with the girls), I am sort of cringing at the idea of going
anywhere.
I’ll leave you with a short video of our school cafeteria at
lunch. The food there is fantastic. I am a total frumpadoodle in this video,
but my looks fit my life right now. Failure chic. Enjoy!
