Long time no blog

Sorry. I've just been dealing with a lot of swirling thoughts about this move. For several weeks I fell into a pretty deep funk about it. Not having any control over something that is so big, that's going to happen so soon and change everything so dramatically, is frustrating beyond belief. It is this behemoth concrete elephant in the middle of my life right now that will not budge. I still check the job updates every few hours; they do change that often. Google-Earthing any town I'd like to move to. Looking up real estate prices and what the houses or apartments look like. Even looking up weekend trips and flight prices from those towns.

One thing that has helped is that I sent out a few letters of intent. There was one day where Nick stayed home sick from school. I saw new jobs open in Vietnam (South Saigon Int'l) that morning. During my free time, I researched the school and the neighborhood and decided that Vietnam was exactly where I wanted to go-- it looks almost better than Bangkok! I was so excited about applying but waited until I talked to Nick about it first. I got home that afternoon, opened up my phone to show him the job listing, and... it had already been deleted. Arrrrghh!! 

So I decided to send them a letter anyway, saying that I'd seen the science job briefly, that Nick is interested in the English position, and to please keep us in mind if another science job opens up. Then I decided to send a few more "please consider us just in case" letters to other places. And I got a response from the director of Rabat American School in Morocco, one of my very top choices!

Dear Abby and Nick,

Thank you for your interest in a position here at Rabat American School.  

There is no need to apologize for candour — I thoroughly enjoyed the enthusiasm in your note!  As you mention we don’t yet have anything for science and English, but I am forwarding your email to our Secondary Principal, Mr. Paul S------.  We will definitely keep you in consideration, and should something relevant come up we will follow up with you then.  In the interim should you see something of interest please don’t hesitate to write again.

I wish you both the very best of luck in your current job searches.

Best wishes,

(Director of Rabat American School)

I took out the names so they wouldn't show up on a Google search. This letter made me feel uprighted. Boosted. All of the other robo-responses I've received have been like, "Due to the volume of responses we get..." like I'm one of several hundred faceless randoms groveling for admission into an exclusive club that may or may not take me. This one makes me smile every time I read it, and has given me a modicum of patience. I'm still having a hard time getting motivated to get our house & belongings ready to move, but I think that will come once I have any idea at all where we're going, just SOME kind of direction. So far I've written to a few schools in Germany (I'm particularly proud of those letters and the way I worked in my German experience), Barcelona, and Amsterdam. Throwing things at the wall, seeing what sticks.

I have a countdown app on my phone that tells me how long we have until July 1st (6 months 18 days), a date I picked arbitrarily because it will be within days of that date that we actually step on a plane. I created a second countdown on the app for the job fair in February (1 month 24 days), because that is likely when we'll get our jobs. Once I know, the ball can start rolling. Seeing that shorter time is helpful.

I am fiercely, scarily in love with my kids right now. I spend all day missing them, thinking about their soft faces, the smell of their necks, and tiny voices and giggles. No, this is not because I was mother-shamed about complaining in my last post (oh yes I was), and I'm making amends; I was complaining about the constraints of motherhood specifically in this country. But these girls are just magical little creatures to me. I lose sleep watching them at night. I cannot wait to start this new adventure in our little family bubble, watching them learn a new language (I can already hear them giggling over it together, whatever language it is) and go to the same school as us. Helping them when they struggle and cry over all of the adjustments, just like I did growing up. I am so proud of them, and they make me quite proud of myself. Although I might take a little too much credit; Nick does the bulk of the parenting and he is the best person I know in the world. 

I'll try to write the next post sooner than a month from now, although it is just a bunch of More Waiting. Still, I've started to keep a list of Things I Will Miss (about the US) and Things I Won't. That will probably be next.