Tick... Tock. Tick... Tock.

It is really hard to motivate when everything is on hold. I could be, and should be, purging and Freecycling the contents of my house, running, or planning lessons in the subject I hope to be teaching next year (Geography). Instead, I’m doing a lot of sitting. Mulling. Ruminating. Dreaming about traveling, while both awake and asleep. Last night’s dream was interrupted by a truck blaring its horn at me to wake up and move ahead in traffic. It was a dream-within-a-dream that made me bolt straight up in bed to realize how frustratingly accurate it was. 

I cannot describe my hatred of our commute. I can only be grateful that it is helping me get over selling our home as my loathing of the traffic outgrows my love of the house. Changing jobs here is out of the question. I love my job more than any other I’ve ever had. The entire staff is on the same laid-back, happy wavelength. The administration is incredibly supportive. I have genuine affection for my co-workers. This job is a rare gem.

Which brings me to money: in an earlier post I mentioned the possibility of us leaving here for good. We did crunch the numbers, and there is no way we can do that if we ever want to retire. Ugh. I am already mourning having to come back after two years; the thought of it gives me an unpleasant twinge in my chest, but it is what it is. At the very least, we are residents of one of the best states in the country in many categories. Hopefully we can save enough money that we’ll be able to travel during subsequent summers. Right now our traveling is almost nil—and it IS nil if you take out family visits. When we’re no longer paying over $1100 per month for Sophie’s daycare, even at our current salaries we’ll be able to go again. 

My “where do I want to go” obsessions are as fickle as they come. Over the past two weeks, I have sunk my claws into several different locations, thinking “I have to go THERE it has to be THERE oh my god what if we don’t get jobs THERE because THAT’S WHERE I WANT TO GOOOOO.” I studied them on Google Earth. I looked up apartments. I calculated possible commuting distances. I scoped out possible running routes. I learned that so many of these schools are far enough out in the sticks that we’d need to get a car there, which we want to avoid. I did extra research on each school, which helped me take one school off the list when I discovered its teachers are currently striking for better wages and working conditions (!). I found out that another school is broken up into three campuses, so our girls would be going to school across town from where we’d teach. If one of our biggest selling points to them is that we’ll all be in the same school, then that one’s out too. So here is my current  list of Most Wanted Schools, in no particular order:

1. Vienna. There are two schools there, both accessible by public transportation. Great city, German-speaking (a big plus for me). The only downside would be that it wouldn’t be a great money-saving salary.

2. Prague. Centrally located to Europe. My closest friend describes Prague as a cross between Germany and Russia, both places I deeply love. Biggest pro? The potential to save tens of thousands. Con: it's in the 'burbs of Prague, which look just as vanilla as they do here.

3.  Paris. I never had much interest in Paris; for all my years in Europe I only changed trains there once. I don’t know what has changed my mind. Maybe looking up its location in the city? Not much money-saving potential, but it would be two years of living in beauty. Cramped, expensive beauty. We could drown our claustrophobia in low-budget wine, bread and cheese.

4. Luxembourg. Perfect mix of central location, the school is in the city (no car!), and the salary is good. I just get a happy vibe from that place whenever I’m researching it.

5. Rabat, Morocco. Morocco was one of my top choices when this teaching-abroad idea was in the fetal stage. Now that I’ve looked at all the school locations there, many of them are way out in the scary booneys. Rabat’s school is central and the town looks incredible. A bonus? A Southern California climate, much cooler than the rest of the country due to its coastal location. Dry sunshine all year. The food! And I have fallen hard over the beautiful pictures of Rabat. 

There are also a few other schools in rural Bavaria and Switzerland (this is the picture that haunts me when I think of Switzerland) that I wouldn’t turn down, but that was the list. There were five places, the end. 

Then… I got Taya’s e-mail. 

Thailand was, for a few days, where we were both convinced we were going. It was our Number One Choice, to the exclusion of anything else. I had the map memorized, sights researched, vacations planned, greetings practiced. Then Nick watched an episode of “Vice” about the police state there. I didn’t see it, but it really spooked him. He said "there's no way" on more than one occasion.

I had written my friend Taya to ask her about Thailand since she knows it well and has said many times that it’s her favorite country. She wrote back an enthusiastic gush that sold me all over again. Now, Thailand is back on the list. The downside is that it’s not Europe. There are huge benefits to living there, like the travel opportunities, the food, and the money we’ll make. We will save enough money that after we return, we’ll be able to spend a few summers in Europe anyway, so it would eventually be a win-win. We certainly couldn’t do the opposite, to live in Vienna for two years and then afford to go to Thailand on vacation. I am apprehensive about the heat, having been to Ghana where the heat kind of horrified me with its power. But the upside would be that I’d be ready to return to cooler weather after the two years, and maybe I’d be less sad about having to come back. We’re very excited to experience something almost at the polar opposite of the globe from where we are now, both geographically and culturally. All of this dullness I feel about life right now… I feel like Thailand would wake me up abruptly. 

I’ve been trying to write this disjointed post for eleven hours now, so I will have to write more about that dullness next time.